Path of Grace

It has been a crazy few months. Well, crazy is probably an understatement.

Where to begin…? I moved down from London to Kent during the summer this year and it has been one dramatic event leading into another. Honestly? I am wondering how I am still standing, let alone breathing.

I’m not saying the move was a bad thing, it wasn’t. I have grown into a new sense of independence that I didn’t even know existed and I’m pushing my comfort zones into new levels that are quite exciting but I am also exhausted!

This season very much feels like I’m being thrown from side to side by the winds of change and it is getting ridiculously out of control.

I’m going to break it down so that I can make a little more sense, in place of just throwing out an encompassing statement, which gives little away. “My Busy Crazy Life” doesn’t quite cut it.

From July this year, I have moved a total of four times – five, if I count our office move too, which was the main reason for me relocating from London… and it seems that I may have to move again— soon! Irrespective of finally finding a place to settle into (for at least a little longer than a couple of months) —— because I have been made redundant.

At this pivotal junction of the story, I may have to point out that italics and exclamation marks may feature heavily in this series. Just saying.

It’s not as terrible as it sounds – being made redundant – but I will admit the first thought that came to mind was: can’t I just be a stay at home mum? The obvious response would be: only if you have kids… and a husband may be needed in the mix as well.

The sentiment is still very much there. I don’t want to go through the whole application and interview process. I hate those. I don’t feel like I do very well on those at all! I feel like I’m a child who has forgotten to do her homework and I’m waiting for the inevitable telling off! Urgh!! The Torment!!

However, unfinished homework aside, this will be an opportunity to move into a new role and add to my growing repertoire of new adventures.

What’s more worrying is my growing number of pimples. I keep getting a new one each day, which is rather annoying and painful to boot! My face is looking like a constellation.

It’s funny, really, in the unusual and ironic sense – not so much in the amusing aspect of things. I could be very angry or annoyed or fearful or resentful to my circumstances right now. It would make sense and in some consoling kind of way, it would be justified to feel negative about the whole scenario but I don’t. I feel rather calm about the whole thing.

Unless this is what they refer to as the calm before the storm and I’m minutes, hours or days from a mental breakdown! I doubt it though. I do drama but meltdowns are too messy for my liking. I’ll stick to drama, thank you very much!

It may also be that after having to pack and move and pack… and move… and pack… and move for the majority of November, losing my job feels a lot like a brisk walk in the park. Possibly. Maybe.

If I were to quantify all the reason why I should feel slighted, I could go on for a while but it would be ultimately very unhelpful. I’m going to do so anyway, as I did say I was going to tell you the woeful tale:

The biggest sore point is potentially the growing debt (due to the amounts of time I have had to move) to the actual moving itself – having to relocate from your accommodation is stressful enough, let alone as often as I have moved in such a short time. What’s most irksome about my credit card debt is that I was one last payment away from being debt-free and now I have to start again – kind of.

On the note of finances, I did take on a part-time job to help with my terrible ability to manage my monies and that is probably the biggest contributor to my utter exhaustion. It has also been a great contributor to my heart and peace of mind, giving me a fresh perspective on people, myself and my capabilities.

Moving swiftly on from my financial problems, I could be justifiably furious about the fact this move for work also put me in a position where I have had to look for alternative accommodation for my precious Caius because he can’t stay with me at the moment, let alone that he’s currently having to sleep in his feeding tank instead of his favourite nook or even his large and more ideal living tank.

I could also be upset about the fact that I’m very much a large distance away from my most favourite person in the whole wide world – who likes to akin himself to Abraham and live the nomad life – so he’s not always in London when I can make the trip there!!! Inconsiderate sod!

However, I am not a victim of circumstance, the economy, the state of the government or the fates of the universe. I am a child of God. The daughter of the Most High and a Royal Priest of Jesus Christ. I haven’t been held at gunpoint, had my family, my own life or even my sanity threatened in any shape or form. Caius hasn’t been held at ransom and I haven’t been left destitute or ill-ridden.

I have been simply been informed, in a very round-about kind of way, that I need to get off my arse and do more, grow more, push more and be more than what I have been giving myself credit for.

My current role has been a great learning experience and the job has helped me in a lot of areas that I probably wouldn’t be able to count. I am eternally grateful for the growth and the new adventures the work has given me, and whilst it won’t be lasting for much longer, it has been a privilege and a pushing force that has taught me a lot about life and myself and who I am – and who I aspire to become.

God has been very good to me and He will continue to be so very good to me as long as I’m on this earth. I will honour Him and what He has given me by being grateful and giving honour to those that He has put in my path to do life with.

So on that note, I can, without a shadow of irony acknowledge that my boss has been one of the most influential people in my life, thus far. The integrity, the character, the drive and the moral ground he has modelled has given me a great foundation to restart building into as I take my next steps into the new seasons that are opening up.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling angry or frustrated when things get difficult but we can’t stay there. We can’t sink in and dwell in the negative. Challenges and difficulties are opportunities, stepping stones, that allow us to reach up and grow into someone better and stronger for our own sake, as much as for others.