The more I learn about relationships – and trust me, I’m still chiselling at the tip of that particular iceberg – the more I realise how much the statement “God has someone better for you” is a lot of utter bull!
God has better goals, dreams, purposes, paths, lives, circumstances and outcomes for everyone. Everything is better for you when you stick God smack in the middle of your life. Full stop!
The only exception is people; because like you, everyone else has free will and like you, everyone falls short in the eyes of God and we’re all sinners. On this side of the coin, when God sees us, He sees Jesus’s sacrifice poured out over us — not our broken souls, too damaged to be worth anything of value. Yet still, He thought we were worth dying for.
So when we say that God has someone “better” for us when our romance fails, we’re kidding ourselves and if we’re entirely honest, we didn’t even consult God in that relationship process, to begin with, so why pin your hopes on Him for the next one, if you won’t be consulting Him then either?
The problem in our society nowadays is the lack of honesty and integrity. Especially within ourselves.
We are not honest with who we are, with what we want and what our purpose is in life. We just put on this little mask and run with it for as long as we can hold on to it before it breaks.
To put it bluntly, we don’t know who we are.
Then we blame God because things don’t work out.
Relationships, dating, courting, marriage and partnerships are games nowadays: created out of a need for social status, loneliness, expectations and public pressure (et cetera, et cetera… et cetera… – if you haven’t seen the ‘King and I’, shame on you!) but all those people we meet, greet, date, “fall in love” with, marry, have kids with, “fall out of love” with and divorce – they were strangers, to begin with, and we don’t get past that phase.
Which is why people can so easily say: it didn’t work out, we’re just different people now.
My relationship with my ex didn’t start on a pretence. I wasn’t looking for a relationship so I didn’t put on airs of perfection and although he did pursue me, he wasn’t swayed by a need to impress and show off. His character is strong and steady and unassuming and that’s who I fell in love with. A man of flesh and blood with all his imperfections.
Having started our relationship naturally and with no airs of any kind, led me to see the kind of man he was, the kind of woman I was, the kind of man I saw him becoming and the kind of woman I wanted to become. I fell in love doing life, not doing romance.
However, living life as a married couple, when you’re not married and you’re a Christian eats at your soul and deep inside you know you’re dishonouring God and yourselves because you’ve stepped out of alignment with His will.
Doing life together for the three years we were together was what makes me want to do life with him for the rest of my life but doing the rest of my life outside of God’s will, won’t be enough to satisfy my soul.
There is a lot of growing up to be done. Learning, compromising and heartache won’t just stop because I’ve reached a certain age but I wouldn’t change the last few years with him for the world. I know we didn’t invite God exclusively into our relationship and we should have, but God doesn’t stop working just because we sideline Him.
The key to “happiness” or “fulfilment” isn’t finding the right person. The key is being the right person in Christ. Once you find yourself in Jesus, everything else falls in line.
The only one in this whole planet that is perfect and that loves you unconditionally is God and if you can figure that out, you won’t spend your time looking for someone else or something else to validate your worth.
We have already established that if we are truly honest with ourselves, we know we have no value. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. With God, you will become everything.
So no, I don’t believe there’s someone else out there better for you. There’s worse out there for you, that you can definitely count on; but you need to stop focusing on getting someone better or someone good and wholesome and start working on being better and good and wholesome through the Holy Spirit.
People are still people but when you invite God into your life and your relationships, life and people start looking a lot better. That’s because you stop looking at them through your own heartaches and broken soul and start seeing them through God’s eyes, which are filled with love and compassion for a lost generation that only want to feel accepted.
I still harbour a hope that my ex and I can work things out. Our relationship is complicated, but a few years from now I want to be able to see how much we have both grown and how much God leads our relationship for His Glory and for the holy benefit of His people. We want to be a blessing, that’s one thing I know my ex and I have in common.
Leave a comment