You think you know people…
I’ve always prided myself on being open and friendly and easy-going – but as it turns out, my opinion of myself is very different from what other people think of me.
I see myself as unassuming as a person can be. I know that I overthink in certain cases and I’m still learning how to communicate — instead of throwing a tantrum when I’m hurt. I’m not great at planning ahead and I’m definitely not the ambitious type: with multiple ulterior motives up my sleeve that are going to get me from A to B. I rather just get stuck in and get on with what’s in front of me.
I don’t want to sound like a clique and pull the ‘woman card’ but it does feel like because I’m a girl, and I’m small, then it’s okay for everyone else to form an opinion about what I do, think, feel or what my intentions are.
My affectionate and overly friendly approach to greetings, although not intended to offend or make anyone uncomfortable, is a huge defining characteristic of who I am. It goes hand in hand with my heels. It has also been an issue since I hit the age of sixteen.
The irony about my cultural background is that in Colombia we’re not as affectionate in our greetings as people here in the UK believe we are. We don’t greet with kisses or hugs in my motherland. When we came to England our parents taught us kids to greet every person that we met with kisses on the cheeks and hugs. It made sense because everyone that we met would be people (adults), my parents knew; but as a kid, if they’re not a direct family member you see every day, they’re strangers. So the habit set in.
The double irony of my upbringing is that when we visited Colombia for the first time since we’d moved to England, I greeted people (strangers that my parents knew) the way both my parents insisted I should, whilst I was growing up. Yet culturally speaking, it was wrong. For me, it didn’t click that it was wrong.
My dad did know it was “wrong” but instead of admitting that they taught us differently from the natural culture —— or that it was a mistake made by a difference of opinion of what common sense is —— he called me a slut and told the family I was easy. I wasn’t even interested in boys at that age!
So I’ve had hit and misses where people are okay with me being me and then others take offence because all they see is a chick being “overly” friendly. I can also understand that line of thought. After all, we do live in an age where women have made their mark by being provocative and promiscuous.
So where do you draw the line?
I don’t want to stop being me but I also don’t want to be inappropriate in my behaviour, especially if it has been made clear to me that something is being misinterpreted or that I am indeed making someone uncomfortable.
I’m no longer a child following blindly what my human guardians are telling me to do or not do and I am very aware that we’re all different. I won’t take offence if you tell me you don’t like kisses on the cheek as a greeting.
I will be making changes as I deem them appropriate and in line with the will of my Father, my life and who I want to be as the daughter of God. I’m still growing and learning as a person and I’m sure this isn’t going to be the last time I hurt someone’s sensitivities.
I don’t put a lot of stock on what people say; especially if they are being narrow-minded. If they can’t be honest with me, to begin with, and worse, they make the decision to talk behind my back – to me, that’s not people I want in my life.
I live in London. We’re surrounded by a variety of different cultures and backgrounds and stories. If something makes you uncomfortable or doesn’t seem quite right to you, have an actual, honest and private conversation with that individual. Don’t be that person that hides their discomfort and insecurity in backstabbing and gossip.
The biggest irony of this is that I don’t live for you. I don’t answer to you. Your opinion doesn’t actually matter to me. You certainly don’t pay my bills, live my life and stand with me through every second of my existence. The only person I have to put up with for my whole life is myself and if I can’t be myself, no one else is going to do it for me.
So opinions matter, just remember that you can either be a light in someone’s life or you can be a distant memory.
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