Our church has a tradition to write down one thing we’re believing for in the new year and three people we want to come to Christ in the year ahead. These are prayers we’re putting forward collectively, and as a community, we all pray for our prayers and each other’s prayers: for our one thing and our three people.
Of course, it isn’t limited to one or three or well, numbers at all. God is an infinitely and gracious God and He listens to all our prayers, our needs and wants. So long as it aligns with His will and His timing, He will do above and beyond what you can imagine (disclaimer: God is not your hitman – but He is your redeemer and your protector)
I, of course, have my list and I won’t share the names of the people I pray for but I will share with you the things I pray for – with a little explanation to each one:
1. Ambition for the Gospel – an ever-growing relationship with God.
This prayer I make every year and every month, week, day, hour and minute. I have a nasty habit of self-doubt and one of the areas it hits me the hardest is my relationship with God. So this is always the first thing on my list because I only ever want to improve my relationship with my Father and yet I always feel like I do such a terrible job of it.
This year I added ambition for the Gospel. I believe in Jesus so whole-heartedly that when doubts and whispers creep in, everything else gets cast into shadows except Jesus – I do argue with God a fair bit – I am His daughter but I am also human and can’t always be as dignified as He calls me to be.
I would have to say my arguments are my most honest communications with Him because I am admitting my frustrations and hurts clearly without ever doubting who He is and what He does. In other occasions, I’m so taken by the moments that I only share tokens of my thoughts with Him – a habit I developed due to familiarity with His Presence – and one I wish to break as it seems too much like taking Him for granted.
The reason why I added, “ambition for the Gospel” is because although I do believe in God, my family knows I believe in God, my friends know I believe in God and my colleagues know I believe in God. I don’t reflect to strangers that I do believe in God. I’m just another face in the crowd that’s tolling away with the best of them. Do you know what I mean when I say that some people just shine? There’s just something welcoming and loving about them that you can’t help but be attracted to.
I want to be like that!! I want to glow and be so radiant in the Holiness my Father’s Presence that people see Jesus so clearly in my face, words and actions that they stop, and ask for directions.
The Gospel is making Jesus known to the world. I need to be able to carry that whilst knowing that I’m not the one doing the heavy lifting, I want to be part of the movement that God has set out for His Glory and so that no one misses out on His Goodness.
2. A large house that I did not pay for – because I don’t want my narrow-mindedness getting in the way of God’s miracles.
My mum brought me to tears last week… full-on heart-wrenching sobs. It isn’t a huge mystery that I want to be a mum. It also isn’t a huge mystery that I want loads of kids, adopted and fostered and even those just passing by.
The reason my mother managed to bring me to tears is quite simple. She caught me in a moment of weakness. She’s been slaving away on a little basket she’s decorating by hand for a colleague’s baby shower and she made a joke about working her fingers to the bone for her colleague’s baby because I wasn’t giving her any grandchildren…
I was heartbroken. Those words did just rip me to shreds. I was so devastated by the throwaway comment that I locked myself in my room and cried my heart out for ages. That she doesn’t know that I want the kids and the husband and the family and the large garden and the dog walks and squealing screams and sleepless nights also really hurt… and it isn’t that I’m hiding my desires from her or anyone else, it’s just that it isn’t time for those dreams yet, so why rush it?
It is not my lack of wanting. Just a matter of timing.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, is that doing things my way, don’t work out so good. But also, behind that comment is the fact that I still very much want the father of my children (all my children) to be my ex and that’s something my mother isn’t agreeable to at the moment.
So why a large house? Because I need to fit all the brats and dogs into it hahaha… honestly! Why is it free? Because I know myself well enough that I’ll get complaisant and big-headed and stupid and I’ll forget that it was my Father that got me to where I get to — a large house free of charge… a little more difficult to explain away, even to myself.
3. The house to have a large workshop.
Well, two paragraphs up I admitted I’m still very much in love with my ex. He’s a carpenter.
Enough said.
God bless your 2018!
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